


She Will Hang the Night With Stars

by queenoffeary



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, BAMF Minerva McGonagall, BAMF Remus Lupin, BAMF Sirius Black, But like will kick your ass if you fuck with his squad, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, F/M, Family Drama, Hogwarts, I dont actually like Peter for obvious reason but I try not to show that, It'll be back eventually I swear, James is more a a cinnamon roll, James just...pines for six years straight, M/M, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Mutual Pining, Sirius is a Hoe, except where I dont want it to be, normal school drama, obviously, so this is on haitus rn while I get my life together
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-01-30 21:37:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12661899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenoffeary/pseuds/queenoffeary
Summary: The infamous marauders time at Hogwarts and some of the time after, the slow rise of the first wizarding war, but mostly how these boys grew up together.





	1. The train

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. I'm super excited about this, you'll see I've mixed in a lot of my personal headcanons but I try to stick to canon as much as possible. All of the fulls are accurate to when the full for that month actually was mainly because I wanted it to be an inconvenience to write the same way it was an inconvenience for Remus. 
> 
> Oh, and the title is part of a letter Oscar Wilde wrote while he was in prison to his lover (some duke I think I don't know) But I will put as many obscure gay 70's references in here especially when Wolfstar becomes a thing.

Wednesday, September 1, 1971

Sirius

Sirius finds himself buzzing with excitement even though his mother’s nails dug into his shoulder quite painfully, “Regulus, take that bag for your brother” She demanded. 

Regulus begrudgingly did what he was told and took the bag from a smirking Sirius. He had wanted to stay home and practice on the new broom their father had bought him, a new one for each of them, even though first-years hardly ever made it onto the Quidditch team and Sirius didn’t even think he would try out this year. It was a present meant to mark his first year at Hogwarts, family tradition and all that.

Walburga took both boys hands and they disappeared with the crack of apparition. Sirius pitch forward when his feet hit the stone ground but his father caught him around the shoulders and chuckled lightly, looking to Regulus who had done the exact same thing but had clutched his mother's skirt to steady himself. 

“Ready?” She asked once she had detached Regulus and brushed herself off. Sirius nodded and they stepped out from the alcove they had apparated into. 

The train station was busy, full of students pushing trolleys and yelling to friends they hadn't seen over summer break, as well as parents hurriedly making sure their children had everything and saying goodbye. Sirius didn’t think he had ever been somewhere that was so loud, he immediately decided that he loved it. He only really saw other people during the boring parties that happened rather commonly in his family, but even then most of his cousins were older than him. 

There would be other kids his age! Lots of them too not just little brother Reggie.

“Sirius” His mother’s voice cut through his daydream of actual friends. He turned to her and she knelt so they were eye level. 

“I know this is exciting and new, but I need you to remember to think about your family and the image you portray, always. You’re to focus on your studies and I expect top marks. And above all Sirius, make friends with the right sort, other Slytherins definitely but even then you must pick and chose, I’m sure your cousins will be happy to help.” 

Sirius inwardly rolled his eyes but nodded, this was all his mother ever talked about, family and honor and reputation. Shouldn't he want to get good marks because he wanted to be smart? Not just because it would make his already too, in his mind, proud family name more proud?

“Two minutes!” the conductor called at the same time as a shrill voice called “Siri!”

He whirled to see his cousin, Bella, pulling her sister along with her, “I’m so glad you're finally coming to Hogwarts, Cissy here won't be the youngest anymore!” 

Sirius didn't know why she didn’t have her own friends. Bella was weird, even he knew that, she was completely obsessed with politics, and she liked to heat her wand in her hand until she was forced to drop it, like some sort of morbid test. 

He grinned at her anyway, “Next year I won’t be the youngest, Regulus will” He said rather proudly, gesturing to his brother. 

Bella laughed, “Always a step ahead Siri is, come, you must sit with us”

Sirius absolutely did not want to sit with his stuffy family that would probably spend the entire time talking about some gossip or another. Narcissa would surely redirect the conversation to her crush on Lucius Malfoy given he wasn't in the compartment with them. In which case she would probably sit giggling and whispering with Bella effectively leaving him completely out of the loop. 

“I actually think I’m going to find some friends” He stated. 

Cissy actually laughed too, “Family first Sirius, but I'm sure your mother has told you that” she scolded, though she was smiling. 

He had always kind of like Cissy, she was kind to him, though Andromeda was his favorite of his cousins. He would never tell his mother that of course, not after she had started dating that half-blood T-something. She was basically outcast from the family when she told them. A voice in the back of his mind wondered where she was, and if she had even spent the summer at home. 

“I’d do more good for my family making pureblood friends than sitting with you”

He felt his mother lay a warning hand on his shoulder but his cousins just shrugged, “See what I mean Cissy, always one step ahead our cousin”

She laughed and they hurried off to find a compartment. 

“That wasn’t very nice Sirius” His father scolded him. And his mother tightened her grip on his shoulder.

“I’m tired of gossip”

“You’ll have to learn to endure it,” His mother said through gritted teeth. He knew she wanted to hit him but they were in public and reputation. 

“I'm eleven, mum! I have the rest of my life to endure it” But he knew that he wasn’t supposed to do that, he was supposed to sit with them, at meals too probably. But he found his family eternally boring, and for the first time, he felt like he might be free of them. 

“That's not an excuse” Walburga’s nails were digging painfully into his shoulder now.

Luckily the conductor called one minute and Sirius said goodbye to his family as fast as he could and hurried towards the train. He was a little upset when he found that most of the compartments filled with older students, most of which he did not recognize. Until he ran right into someone, “Oh sorry.” The other boy said after adjusting his glasses.

The boy had messy brown hair and dark skin, his glasses were sitting crooked on his face still but he was smiling. 

Sirius shrugged, “It’s okay”

“I’m James Potter” He stuck out his hand. Sirius remembered learning about the Potters, they were not in the sacred twenty-eight but still supposedly a respectable pureblood family.

So he shook the boy's hand, “I’m Sirius Black” 

The boy looked a little taken aback, pulling his hand away faster than was strictly polite, “Black?” 

“Oui, Black” No one had ever questioned his family, just subtle jabs at his rather explosive temper and other ‘un-Slytherin’ traits. 

James just shrugged, “Calm down dude, I’m just asking, no offense but your family’s like…”

“Rich and racist?” Sirius grinned, he had been waiting his whole life to talk about his family to someone else. 

“Exactly” 

“I’m not like them”

“Good, do you wanna sit with me, my compartments empty except for two people who are best friends. Unless you’re sitting with your rich racist family?” 

“No, I’d much rather sit with you”

The compartment the James led him to only had two other people in it, a red-headed girl and a hooked nose boy. They seemed to be arguing. 

“She’s my sister Sev” The girl was saying.

“So? She’s awful to you” He looked like he was going to continue when James cleared his throat. 

“Lovers Quarrel?” 

The girl pushed her hair out of her face and glared at them, “You shouldn’t listen to other people's conversations”

James shrugged and plonked himself on the bench opposite her, “Sure” Then to Sirius, “so what's your favorite Quidditch team?”

In Sirius mind, this was probably the best way to open a conversation. “Definitely the Harpies” 

“But their one chaser, the blond one, is a total wreck! There’s no way they’ll even make it to finals”

“Yeah but the seekers one of the best there ever was and that chaser broke her spine so she’s still out, tryouts were last week.”

“I disagree, but fine. Puddlemere gonna kick everyone's ass this year. The keeper lets almost nothing pass, one in five.”

“Seekers garbage”

“True, but they’ll still beat the Harpies, especially with a new chaser”

“Maybe this year, but next year Harpies win”

“No way..” He was interrupted mid-sentence by someone opening the cabin door. 

The first one, a short fat boy with light blond hair, motioned to his friend, “Do you mind if we sit, everywhere else’s full” Sirius noticed that he asked the red-haired girl, not either of them. 

She shook her head, smiling for the first time since the trip started, “Of course” 

The blond boy was followed closely by a bored looking boy, and as the first one introduced himself as Peter Pettigrew the other muttered, “Remus Lupin” and put himself in the corner, opening a large book. 

Sirius was rather drawn to the boy, he had a scar that started at his collarbone and went under his sweater. He had huge amber eyes that almost looked unnatural and years of reading people told him that the boredom was completely faked. 

James was talking loudly about how he was going to be sorted into Gryffindor and the red-headed girl was saying that if that was the case she was going to be sorted into anything but Gryffindor. 

“I think Hufflepuff would be nice,” Peter said, fast so he could get a word in between James and the girl; Lilly, he learned, “It’s the closest to the kitchens” 

He thought he heard the boy with the scars chuckle but couldn't be sure, “Well I’m going to be a Slytherin, like all the Blacks.” 

Lily shrugged, “Well maybe I’ll be a Ravenclaw. I’ve already done some of the reading.” 

“For fun?” Peter asked her, incredulous. 

“Yeah, of course, you realize that magic is kind of a new thing for me” 

“No way” The hooked nose boy spoke directly to them for the first time, “You’ll be a Slytherin like me” 

James frowned, “Not if she’s muggle-born” 

The lighthearted air of the cabin died quickly and if looks could kill they would have one dead Potter heir on their hands. Lilly looked like she was close to stabbing someone, “Excuse me, Potter?”

“No, I’m not like that just, Slytherin isn't too fond of muggleborns, or half-bloods for that matter” 

“Care to tell me why?”

Sirius watched the exchange, the hooked nose boy spoke up again but he thought he might be hiding behind Lilly a little, “Because Muggles aren’t…”

She whirled around to face her friend, which, Sirius noticed, she had done nothing but fight with since he saw them, “Aren’t what Severus?”

He shrunk back against the seat, “Nothing, they just don’t have magic so they’re not as..”

“Good?” She interrupted, “Competent? You could just come outright and say it” She turned to him and James, “You too” 

“No wait,” James said, “It’s just not quite safe for you in Slytherin, they’re really into pureblood supremacy it just…” But she was already walking out of the compartment. And the hooked nose boy, Severus he guessed, glared at them before taking off after her. 

It was silent for a couple seconds before the boy with scars put down his book to glance at the other three, “I could have counted at least four places you fucked up there bud”

Sirius decided he liked the boy. 

 

.......................................

James

The train ride lasted a lot longer than James expected it to, almost four hours according to his watch. His father had always talked about how he met his mother on the Hogwarts train and he felt a little foolish remembering how excited he got when the pretty redheaded girl asked if he wanted to sit with her and her friend. Both of them had ignored him once they sat down. 

He had, however, found friends, which was almost as good as a future wife. He liked the boys in his compartment enough, except maybe the boy with the scars in the corner but that wasn’t very fair. He had only spoken twice, once muttering his name; Remus Lupin, and again to tell him he was an idiot. Which wasn’t a good way to make friends at least in James’s mind. 

Other than that he had learned that Sirius ‘hated’ his family but would still defend them. James decided not to think about that too much, his father had said before that the old pureblood families had complicated politics surrounding them and it was best to stay out of it. 

When the train finally stopped the prefects ushered them off the train and onto boats, and they all were silent, too busy looking around at the magnificent castle that would be their home for the next seven years. It was cold but the chill never quite reached him, though he saw Sirius shivering next to him. 

“Merlin, mate look they move!” Peter yelled to them when the first staircase swung to connect to another landing. 

James had heard about the staircases from his parents, though they talked about them like an inconvenience. All the times they had been late to class because something wasn’t where it was supposed to be. 

They all watched for a while as the staircases shifted above them, “How are we ever going to get anywhere?” Sirius asked

James shrugged, “I think there’s some sort of pattern?”

“Well even if there is I’ll never get it,” Peter said. 

“You’re here for seven years if you can spell you can get used to moving staircases,” Sirius said.

James laughed.

Before he got a chance to reply a woman came to stand in front of the door they had been led to. She was a severe looking woman, wearing dark blue robes, her hair was pulled into a tight, simple updo like the ones his mum wore to work. 

“The start of term banquet will begin shortly, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you will be sorted into your houses. The Sorting is a very important ceremony because, while you are here, your house will be something like your family at Hogwarts. You will have classes with the rest of your house, sleep in your house dormitory and spend free time in your house common room. The four houses are called Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Each house has its own noble history and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards. While you are at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn your house points, while any rule-breaking will lose house points. At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the House Cup, a great honor. I hope each of you will be a credit to whichever house becomes yours. The Sorting Ceremony will take place in a few minutes in front of the rest of the school. I suggest you all smarten yourselves up as much as you can while you are waiting”

She left after giving the group another once-over and the first years immediately broke into excited chatter. 

“Do you really think there’s no way you could be sorted into Slytherin?” Sirius asked him. 

James thought that he was more likely to get transferred to Beauxbaton than get sorted into Slytherin but he looked very scared and James guessed that he had never had a friend before so he nodded, “Maybe” 

Then the doors opened and students started filing in. Sirius was called pretty quickly and James watched as his new friend clambered onto the stood. He expected it to be quick, the hat would call Slytherin, and he would join his boring family. But instead the old hat sat there for a long time and the boy wearing it grew paler and paler. JAmes fidgeted with the bottom of his coat, he had grown to like the boy while they were on the train and it would be really great if they could be in the same house. 

Eventually, the hat called “GRYFFINDOR” and he stumbled off the stool towards the red table. James shot him a thumbs up which Sirius returned hesitantly. The next person he knew had the girl from the train, Lilly, who was quickly sorted into Gryffindor. Then Remus who was still holding that muggle book when he sat on the stool; Gryffindor. Peter took almost as long as Sirius did but the hat sorted him into Gryffindor too. 

Finally, Professor McGonagall called his name and he felt a flutter of nervousness in his stomach for the first time. He climbed onto the stool and the hat was plopped on his head, covering his eyes. 

A voice surrounded him, old and croaky. “Oh you’re easy -GRYFFINDOR”

James grinned and jumped off the chair, joining his friends at the Gryffindor table. Though he noticed that Sirius, who he had already decided was his favorite, was looking less than happy to be sorted into the best house in the best school. 

“You okay dude?” He asked 

“Fine just not sure how my mum’ll react”

“Don’t worry, she’s your mum, what could she do? Plus you’re at school, if she’s really mad she has until Christmas to cool off.” Peter said.

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” He said looking a little less pale. 

The sorting ended pretty soon after that and Dumbledore stood at the podium to address them for the first time, “As always I’d like to welcome both our new and returning students to Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry,” Applause filled the hall, “There are also a few announcements I’d like to get out of the way. First, our new Defence against the Dark arts teacher is Professor Renault.” A tall willowy African woman stood and waved. “Also, some of you I’m sure you have noticed the willow on the grounds, I warn you not to go too close to it. It moved rather violently and seems to have quite the temper. On that note, dig in” 

Large quantities of food appeared before them and all four boys abandoned conversation in favor of stuffing their faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'll have the next chapter up by the end of the week for sure, also the french that I use will always be down here for a reference if anyone knows it better than me please just tell me I've only been taking it for like a year and a half. 
> 
> pour ton (petit) frere- for your (little) brother
> 
> Pret? (It's got an accent but its a pain in the ass to put so)- ready?
> 
> Votre Famille premier- your family first, the votre is connected to the verb avoir; to have and I'm hoping I used it right. 
> 
> Viens- come, it's a demand because of the conjugation, in context, it would tu viens, you come, but because its a demand you don't say tu. 
> 
> J'ai once ans- I'm eleven. Technically I have eleven years, google translate is not your friend. 
> 
> It's my personal headcanon that the Blacks are French because of their motto, also James is Indian and Remus is obviously Welsh.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2!!  
> So I did combine the first two chapters because they were less than 1500 words each and I felt like that was too short.

Thursday, September 3, 1971

Sirius

Sirius woke up early on his first day of lessons, even before the sun fully rose, but when he threw back the red curtain that surrounded his bed he found that everyone else was already up too. 

Peter was trying to stuff too many quills into his bag and James was trying to convince him that he only needed one for a day of class, and being brushed off by the shorter boy. Remus was already dressed and was half reading-half watching the other two. The smallest of smiles playing on his lips.

Sirius stood up, drawing attention to himself. 

“Sirius, tell Peter he only needs one quill, not eight” James demanded

“Peter you only need one quill, not eight” He parroted. 

“I always break them though,” Peter pouted. 

James laughed “How on earth have you been writing all your life then?” 

“Pens!” He exclaimed.

“What the bloody hell is a pen?” Sirius asked, and this time he’s sure Remus laughed. 

“It’s a muggle thing for writing, you don’t have to dip it in ink, and it’s so much easier than these impractical things,” Peter said, shaking the quill.

“I don’t believe that a muggle object could be more practical than a quill,” Sirius said, there was no way, muggles were completely clueless. Bumbling imbeciles, tres sale. His mother had said and his father agreed. 

“Remus!” James shouted, “Are pens better than quills?” 

Remus looked up, “Pens are definitely easier to use but I think quills are more fun,” He said, sounding uninterested. 

“See!” Peter shouted.

“That still doesn’t mean you need eight quills!” James shouted back, still laughing.

Peter grumbled something that Sirius didn’t quite catch about Wizards and dumb aesthetics, but took all but two quills out of his bag, “When’s breakfast?” He asked. 

“Seven thirty, half an hour,” Sirius told him, he couldn't believe that lessons didn't start until nine, at home he had to be up and at the table, dressed in whatever his mother deemed appropriate. 

It was strange, that this would be every morning for him. At least while he was at school. There would be no screaming mother or portraits that spat at him when he went downstairs. He felt so comfortable even with the judgy boy with the book listening to their conversation. Though, Sirius thought that by the end of the year he would be talking to them like a normal person. No one could go that long without friends. 

He did feel a little bad when he remembered that Reggie would have to eat alone with their parents, he was probably already reading one of those awful family history tomes their mother insisted on, but then again he had always been the favorite child, not that Sirius was jealous. 

But even thinking about his family wasn’t enough to spoil his good mood. Especially when James Potter threw a pillow at him and it was so fucking on. 

It was almost eight by the time they got down to the dining hall, and for the second time in twenty-four hours Sirius was blown away by the sheer amount of people, and how loud it all was, not whispered gossip and conspiracies like he was used to. 

They sat with the rest of the first years at the front of the long table, closest to the teachers. They sat down and loaded their plates with pastries because they were eleven and had no sense of self-preservation. 

“What do we have first?” James asked through a mouthful of food

“Uh, transfiguration” Peter replied, examining the timetable, “Then charms”

“Meda said that transfig in the morning sucks, great for us,” Sirius said sarcastically. 

“With who?”

“Hufflepuffs” 

“Ooh good, I love Hufflepuffs,” James said, “They’re so like, good at stuff, but not competitive, so they’ll give me answers but not be too upset about it, that’s what my mom said” 

Sirius laughed, “You’re so awful, it’s our first day and you’re already planning on how to cheat. But I completely agree” 

James flicked crumbs at him, grinning, “We work smarter not harder gentlemen” 

The boys looked up when hundreds of owls flew through the windows dropping parcels and letters as they passed, some stopped to beg for food and Sirius’s stomach squirmed when he saw his family’s owl; Hermes, the family owls had always been named Hermes. 

The other boys got normal letters but when Hermes dropped in front of Sirius was a large bright red parcel. 

“Is that a Howler?” Peter asked, “You’ve been here for less than a day, what could you possibly have done?” 

Sirius shook his head because he knew exactly what he had done. He closed his eyes and ripped open the letter, immediately his mother's furious shriek filled the soon silent hall. 

 

SIRIUS ORION BLACK, JE N’AI RIEN DECU DE MA VIE. GRYFFINDOR? DES TOUTS LE LIEUX, CHAQUE BLACK DAN LE HISTORIÉ À LEUR FAMILLE A SUIS DANS LE MAISON DE SLYTHERIN. TU DÉSHONORE LE PLUS NOBLE MAISON DE BLACK ET JE DEVRAIS ACHETE TON POUR CETTE ET TU FAIS COPAINS AVEC MUDBLOODS? LE PREMIER CHOSE JE RACONTE TON NE FAIS PAS ET TON IGNORE C’EST?.” After that it all became a slur of ‘BLOOD TRAITOR’ and ‘DISHONOR’ and a whole range of slurs, some in English but mostly French, which he assumed was better since the rest of the hall couldn’t understand it. 

It went on for what seemed like forever, and there was nothing Sirius could do except sit there stone-faced so he wouldn’t cry, and when it finally fell silent, ripping itself apart on the table he still couldn't move. He saw the other boys looking at him nervously but couldn’t bring himself to care at the moment. He thought she couldn’t get to him here, he was stupid enough to think that he might be free at least until Christmas. 

“Is that shit normal?” Remus finally said. 

Peter shook his head, “No, it’s a howler, usually they are in English though.”

“You okay Sirius” James asked

He nodded, shoving emotion down, “Yeah, I’m fine” 

“What’d she say?” Peter asked and Remus hit him muttering ‘rude’

“It’s fine, she was upset because I’m not in Slytherin” 

“That went on for almost ten minutes, that’s more than upset” 

“I told you it’s fine, we should go, class starts in five minutes” He took his bag from under the table and walked out of the Great hall, forcing himself not to look back to see if any of them cared enough to follow. But he felt a little better when they did. 

No one talked about it during Transfig, or Charms, or potions. 

Actually, everyone was a little distracted by Helen and Laurent’s screaming match over something or another. 

“They’re promised to each other” Sirius explained at lunch 

“Like to be married?” James looked incredulous, “I didn’t even know they still did that” 

“Yep, what’s hilarious that they hate each other's guts. It’s all very scandalous” 

“They’re eleven,” Peter said 

“yep” 

But it felt fake, the calm and he knew there was an elephant in the room and all of them wanted to ask too many questions. 

Of course, the members of other pureblood families didn’t help either, distant relatives made petty jaunts at him all day and he slowly realized that the letter’s being in French weren't going to help him in the slightest as they all had enough years of Latin to vaguely understand it. It would just add explaining for him if he decided to tell any of them.

So History of magic already dragged, the only interesting thing was Remus’ face when he realized that the professor was a ghost, “They say that he didn't notice when he died, just got up and continued teaching” James whispered as the professor droned about the syllabus. Sirius thought that someone must have a pretty boring life if they didn't notice when they died. 

 

………….

The now three of them, Remus had left them for the library already, were walking back to their from dinner when someone grabbed Sirius’s arm. He whirled ready to swear at whichever relative thought they were superior for some reason. 

“Hey, Siri” Andromeda stood behind him, “Can I talk to you?” 

He nodded, then turned to his friends, “I’ll catch up with you guys later?” 

James nodded, “Yeah go ahead.” 

Meda led him through the halls until they came to an empty corridor, vaguely, Sirius wondered if he would ever know every nook and cranny of the huge castle. 

“Hey” She stood in front of him, a good foot taller than him, “I’m proud of you” 

He chuckled, “I got screamed at by a howler cousin, I don’t think that warrants pride” 

“I think that it does, you’ve managed to escape that awful mindset that they set for you”

“The whole mudblood thing” that wasn’t a new thing, ever since she began dating Ted he had thought less and less of his family’s morals. 

“Don’t say that word and not just that, you don’t get put into Gryffindor unless you want to be, which means that you, even if not consciously, don’t quite want to fit into their little mold for you, you’re independent.”

He thought about that, the hat had been very interested in him and it had felt like he was sitting on that chair for forever as it pondered on where to put him before settling on Gryffindor. 

“What now?” He asked. It didn’t really matter where the hat put him, he was in Gryffindor now and there was no changing that at this point, “What did they do when you started dating Ted?”

“I kept it secret for a long time, we had been together since the fourth year. I thought I could have both, keep it from them till I came of age, but they wanted me to marry that awful Lestrange guy and I just… couldn’t, and it wasn’t fair to Ted either so I told them, and they kicked me out after some choice words, but I had friends to support me and Ted. I stayed with them last summer.” 

She sighed, “but I guess your case it a bit different” 

“They already know about the Gryffindor thing, and who I’m friends with,” He told her, "You heard" 

She nodded, “Just keep your head down, don’t do anything to make them mad, try to make it long enough to become the heir, then it’ll be harder to stop you from changing things”

“I don’t know if I can make it that long,” He told himself he wouldn’t cry over this, not today. 

“If you can’t, write me, I’ll help you”

He shook his head, feeling panic rise in his stomach despite her efforts to comfort him, “They’re gonna hurt me, Meda, when I get home” 

She enveloped him in a hug, “I know, I'm sorry our family is so awful” But all that he was thinking was don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry repeating like a mantra in his head. 

He didn’t pull back until he got his tear ducts under control and when he did she said, “Look” And pulled up her sleeve, on it, in rugged letters ‘blood traitor’ was etched in her skin, “Bella, when I told her about Ted” 

He recoiled, was that going to happen to him, at Christmas? He wasn’t ready to leave his family, not quite yet at least. Especially not Reggie. 

“We’re survivors Sirius, it hurt like a bitch but I'm happier now with it than I ever was without,” She laughed a little, "I’m glad I have it because I’d rather be a blood traitor than whatever mummy and daddy wanted me to be”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so
> 
> The letter is a complete mess grammar wise, you're gonna have to forgive me I'm failing that class. But it basically talks about him being sorted into Gryffindor, being friends with the wrong sort and ignoring her advice. 
> 
> Je sais, Je suis désolé notre famille est dommag -I'm sorry our family is so awful.
> 
> Again, hopefully, the next chapter will be up within the week, I have big plans for that one.


	3. The full

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's a short ass chapter because exams are a bitch.

Sunday, September 5, 1971

Remus

Remus was sure he was going to die, his entire body had hurt since lunch and the boys that he roomed with, that definitely were not his friends because he couldn’t have friends, kept shooting him worried glances before glancing at each other again. It unsettled him the way they seemed to talk with their eyes and certainly wasn’t helping his situation. 

What was worse was that he couldn’t focus on what little homework they had been given. He couldn’t fall behind so soon in the term. The thing that James had said on the train about the prejudice against Muggle-borns and half-bloods had stuck with him for some reason and gave him the oddest urge to prove himself even though he knew that he should be flying below the radar with his condition. 

Hogwarts was a lot odder than he thought it would be, he didn't have the stories from his parents like the other boys did. His father had died when he was young and his mother was a muggle so she could only give him fantastical stories second hand. Which only fueled his curiosity instead of quelling it. 

The moving staircases had been the first shock and he didn’t really see the point of them. He had jumped right into Sirius when a portrait talked to him, causing the other boy to laugh at him. Even the grading scale was different, ‘exceeds expectations’ instead of A’a, Outstandings for B’s and he hadn't quite figured out the rest yet. 

He wasn’t quite sure when he should head to the Hospital wing, McGonagall hadn’t given him much other than to go before the sunset but it was only four in the afternoon. He sighed and threw his book on the ground, making poor Peter jump. 

Fuck it, he thought. Remus stood, though his entire body ached in protest, and walked out. 

“Hey, where you going?” James asked him. James was nosy but it was Sirius that he was really worried about, the way that he seemed to calculate everything that he said around anyone but James, they must’ve known each other before school, but he seemed to be able to read people too well. 

“My mum’s sick, I’m going to visit her”

“Oh, I’m sorry I hope she gets better” 

He forced himself to smile, “Thanks” and headed to the hospital wing, setting his face and walking fast so no one else talked to him. He was greeted at the door by Madame Pomfrey. 

“Hello Mr. Lupin, I have some things I’d like to discuss with you if you’d follow me” She led him into her office, a cozy room with armchairs instead of a desk. A bookshelf covered two of the walls and another was a window that looked over the grounds. 

She motioned for him to sit in one of the chairs and sat on the other one, “I’ve done a lot of reading on your condition, and to be honest there’s not a whole lot that’s completely reliable. Most of it is either extremely biased or written in the dark ages.

“However,” she stood and went to the bookshelf, pulling two books from the bottom shelf, “These seemed to be some of the best I could find, written in the last century, one by a woman with the lycanthrope condition, and a man who was a brother to one. On the other hand, neither of these people were bitten as a child and nothing I read even mentioned what a werewolf is as a child”

There it was the W word. He knew he shouldn’t hate it, it was just a word. But he hated it so much, it made it all feel so real. What he had wasn’t a medical condition it was a curse, and no one knew what it would do to him. 

“You don’t know if it’ll kill me when it get’s bigger,” He said, it was the truth. It was bad now, and it wasn’t even that strong yet, and even a couple hours before the sunset the moon tugged at his bones. 

“No, no I’m sure that it won’t kill you. But we don’t know much so you’ll have to forgive me for trying some things in an attempt to lessen the pain for you” 

He nodded, “You turn right when the sun sets correct?” She asked

He nodded again. 

“Then we have about half an hour, I’ll show you where you’ll be spending the night” 

He stood, and, once again followed her. The nurse led him out of the castle and to a willow, which much to Remus’s surprise, started swinging violently at them. He figured that this must be the tree that Dumbledore had told them not to go near.

To his amazement, she took her wands and shot what reminded him of a bullet out of it. It pinged off of a knot in the tree which stilled immediately. She walked towards the trunk and he cautiously followed. 

At the base of the Willow there was a tunnel, almost invisible from anywhere but right on top of it, was a tunnel. It was lined with nothing but dirt and the willow's roots seemed to half-heartedly reach to entangle his wrists. 

The tunnel wasn’t very long, and soon they came to a wooden door. Madam Pomfrey unlocked the door with an “alohomora,”.

Inside was a fairly large room, a bed stood in one corner, a dresser in another but other than that the room was barren. The last of the sunlight filtered through the cracks in the ceiling, making the room feel more worn than it was. 

“Of course you’ll have to spend your time as a wolf alone, but if you’d prefer I can wait outside until morning” 

He shook his head, he never wanted anyone to have to hear the transformation, or be bothered by his condition. 

“Then I’ll come get you when the sun rises” and closed the door, locking it. Remus listened to her retreating footsteps, before taking off his clothes and folding them in a neat pile on the bed. He knew by the slowness of his heartbeat that the sun had almost set.

This was the worst part, the anticipation. Waiting for the pain with a nervousness that made his whole body shake, but maybe that part was the moon. 

He felt sick as he watched his nails grow almost three times the length they should be, it was always the nails first. They stayed that length after the moon set too and his mother always cut them while he scarfed down whatever breakfast she made for him, usually pancakes, with chocolate. 

Distantly he thought that she wouldn’t be there to do that as his right leg broke and he fell to the ground. The transformation was always painful, and there was nothing magical about it. His bones had to snap and reshape into the form of a wolf, his organs were pushed and twisted, his face was pulled into a snout and his skin was forced to pull and rip as all of this happened. So he screamed, loudly. 

………………………….

 

Remus felt the pain that seemed to wrap his body before he even heard the wind whistling through the cracks in the shack. He assessed the injuries before he even opened his eyes, his skin must’ve ripped along the back of his left knee, but other than that he was just very sore, no extra scars. 

He somehow worked up enough energy to pull himself up and put his clothes back on slowly, every time he had to lift a limb hurt. The bed was not in any way comfortable, but the old quilt on top wasn’t too scratchy and he fell asleep quickly. 

………………………………….

The second time he woke it was to the closing of the wooden door and Madam Pomfrey's sharp intake of breath. He already knew he was probably covered in blood, he guessed it happened when he transformed between human and wolf. 

“S’fine, not as bad as it looks” The hiss that escaped between his teeth betrayed him as he sat up. 

She was already casting some cleaning spell, then something he guessed was meant to check for injuries. He was already standing up by the time she asked him if he could walk. He nodded through gritted teeth and together they hobbled back to the castle. 

He was fed a couple potions, one that tasted awful but relieved most of the ache in his body, one that wasn’t so bad and made him a less tired, and one that was actually just tea. 

“Are you sure you want to go to class?” She asked as he headed out of the wing. 

“I don’t want to fall behind,” He told her, shifting the book he held so his arm covered the title. 

She sniffed, “Of course” 

He headed for the dorm first, praying that he wouldn’t run into anyone, especially someone who was trying to help, it seemed that for once in his life he was lucky and everyone must’ve been at breakfast except for that one couple but they were much more interested in each other than some first year with a book. 

He stashed the book under his bed and headed to breakfast, mentally preparing himself for the inevitable onslaught of questions. 

The great hall was too full, and more people than he would have liked turned when he walked in. He knew logically, that there was almost no way that anyone knew but that didn’t keep him from panicking a little when Peter looked up when he sat down.

“Are you okay?” The blond boy asked. 

“Yeah, fine,” He said quickly, piling food onto his plate, “Just tired” 

He was a little disappointed when they didn’t press forward. He shouldn’t be, he was supposed to fly under the radar, not let anyone get too close because if someone got close and found out… He wouldn’t be able to live in the wizarding world. 

It hadn’t been explained to him as much as he felt like it should have been, it was after all his life. He knew that there was a bias against lycanthropes, people didn’t quite see past what he became once a month. He knew that this bias would make it difficult for him to find a job and that he would have to register at the wizard government; the ministry, when he turned seventeen. 

Other than that not much, he didn't think that he’d be killed, at least not by the government otherwise there wouldn’t be a register. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t be taken down by an angry horde of villagers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly have no idea where this is gonna go until like the fifth year.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so short and after so long I'm sorry.

Tuesday, September 7, 1971

Sirius

It all past in flashed, his mother’s words before he got on the train, then the howler screaming that he was a blood traitor. Him, six years old nearly falling down the stairs because he couldn’t sleep and his head hurt so bad his six year old self thought he was dieing. She had wiped his tears and given him a sweet tasting potion that fixed everything. Then when he was nine and broke a vase in a game with his brother, she had stood and suddenly there was blood soaking through his shirt. Then the howler again. 

There was definitely something standing over his bed, he could see it through his dream. He felt dread pool in his stomach as it drew closer and closer, it’s face slowly coming into focus.

He woke up, frantically grabbing for his wand and pulling back the bed curtain at the same time, “Lumos” Of course there was nothing there. He pushed himself up, leaning against the headboard and trying to quieten his breathing. 

He scanned their dorm, everything was exactly where it should be, he could hear Peter’s snoring, and Remus’s senseless muttering. He let it calm him, that he was here and not there, that he had people outside of his family that agreed that he should be here and not there. 

He held his breath when he heard James's sheets rustle. No one else should lose sleep over this, they had lessons in the morning. He quickly drew pulled the curtains back around his bed but after a few seconds James stuck his head through them, “You alright mate?” 

Sirius nodded, “fine, nightmares” 

“What about?” He climbed in and sat across from Sirius, with his back to the headboard. 

Sirius pulled a hand through his hair, “Just my mum” 

“She sounds awful, like really really awful”

Sirius sighed again, “She’s not that bad she just… she really cares about the family as a whole, not individuals as much.” 

“From what I’ve heard she’s downright abusive” 

“No, she doesn’t use magic unless I deserve it” He wasn’t quite sure why he was defending her. 

For some reason this seemed to make James even more worried, “She uses magic on you” 

“Not often, It’s fine” 

“That’s not fine, is that where the scar on your arm came from?” 

Sirius hadn’t even really thought about that scar since he got to Hogwarts, he hadn’t thought that any of them would notice, “Yeah” He said quietly, “I threw food at Regulus when we had company” 

A beat of silence passed before Sirius shook his head, “Can we talk about something else?” 

“Yeah, sure. Pick a topic”

“What do you think Remus’s mum has?” 

“He told me cancer” 

“Cancer can be cured with magic,”

“I know that’s what I said, he said that it was probably too late” 

Sirius sat up more, and crossed his legs under him, “I feel bad, he looked awful when he came back” He didn’t really believe that Remus went to see his sick mother, if she was really that sick he wouldn’t have gone to school at all. 

“Yeah, and did you see the cut on his arm, it went away pretty fast but it looked super bad” 

“Wait really? Like a scratch or bigger?” 

“Big, from his wrist to a little over his elbow” 

“He’s got scars too, though I think they’re pretty fucking cool” 

“Yeah I saw, on the train they came up his neck” James was picking at the blanket. 

“He’s got too many secrets, he won’t even really talk to us” 

James nodded, “I don’t really know what to do with him” 

Sirius snorted, “He’s a person not a thing, he’ll come around.”

“True, oh, one more thing, can you teach me french?” 

 

\--------------------

“I wanna do something!” James wailed, Sirius looked up from his game of Chess with Peter. 

“Like what?” 

“Something big, for halloween” 

“Like a costume?” Peter asked, watching his knight destry Sirius’s queen.

James shook his head, “No, like a prank” 

Sirius threw a pillow at him, “You could have just said that instead of drawing it out” 

James threw it back, “Shut up, I’m serious” 

“I thought he was Sirius” Peter said. Sirius grinned, he hadn’t gotten a letter from his parents since that first day, Bella and Cissy hadn’t tried to talk to him, and for the first time in his life he felt safe. He had damn good friends, still maybe not Remus but Sirius was still convinced he would come around. 

“No really I want to do something that people will remember”

“Okay what do you suggest” 

“I don’t know!” James yelled. 

Peter laughed, “What if we made all the books float” 

James gasped, “Yes, and scream too!”

“But only when people touch them!” Peter added, they were both still yelling. 

Sirius laughed, “How?” 

James shrugged, “A Leviosa, and a Clamo, I don’t know about the last part though, we could go to the library” 

“You’d have to kill me before I went to that awful place” Sirius fell backwards dramatically bringing a hand to his forehead. 

 

“You’re both impossible” James muttered standing, “I’m going to the library, and you can come or not” He left leaving SIrius and Peter scampering after him. 

The library was pretty quiet, which uneased Sirius. There were a few older students bent over essays and such, he assumed Remus was in here somewhere, probably reading something that wasn’t part of the curriculum ‘for fun’. 

“Lets split up,”

“And look for clues?” Peter was joking but Sirius had no idea about what, “Nevermind, it’s a muggle show” He said quickly. 

 

Sirius wandered through the shelves, there were a whole lot of books on modifying spells, he didn’t know why they split up. It wasn’t advanced magic, they just hadn’t learned yet. He pulled two books from the shelves and headed to a table, dumping them onto it. He sat and flipped through the first one, already bored out of his mind. 

\------------------------------------

Halloween 1971

The prank failed, pretty badly to be honest. They, for one couldn’t get all of the books to do what they wanted, before Filch came. So only about a third of the books were actually charmed, and not very well at that. Some of them had a rather delayed effect, some only flew, some only screamed. 

That said, there was still a satisfying amount of chaos, and they didn't get caught. So spirits were high going into the Halloween feast, were treats were laid out for the students and pumpkins floated above head. 

“We did it boys!” James crowed as they tucked into their food. 

“Did what?” Remus asked, already seated at the table, a book in his lap. 

“The screaming books?” James asked, “Did you see that” 

The other boy shrugged, “I saw a couple, that was you” They all nodded, grinning. “You should have used a blanketing charm, instead of doing them individually” 

James looked incredulous, “We don’t learn those until the end of the year” 

Remus shrugged, “I do a lot of reading” 

It made sense, Sirius had to admit. He spent a lot of time holes up in some corner of the library, he thought he mostly read muggle story books though. He guessed that magic was kind of an amazing concept to muggleborns though, they tended to soak up as much knowledge as they could in the first year or so. That’s what his cousins had told him, they said it made up for being a lesser race.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This sucks so bad, I couldn't find a way to make it flow right, but I felt like it was kind of an important chapter and it been so long. On a happier note Merry Christmas to those who celebrate.

Monday December 24th, 1991

Sirius

Grimmauld Place was dark and cold after to Hogwarts and the Gryffindor common room. It seemed to be even worse now that he had something to compare it to.

He was used to these Christmas party's, they hosted almost every year as the head of the Black household. He liked his cousins well enough, but Andromeda wasn't there anymore, blasted off the tapestry at some point while he was at school. But most of the rest of his family was annoying, to say the least. 

He was used to party's where he didn't like everyone there, but he wasn't used to not being liked himself. Aunt Druella telling him how much he had grown, his father proudly exclaiming some feat or another of his in his studies. Of course, Walburga and Orion had never been particularly loving people but he felt that he had gotten good grades so far. And thought that it was unfair of them to ignore him just because he had been sorted differently. 

Instead, he had locked himself away in his room, after being largely ignored by everyone at the party, this was his house for Godric's sake, how come he felt like he couldn't go downstairs?

 

He was feeling sorry for himself, mourning was seemed to be the last of his parent's affections when there was a knock on his door, “Mum says to come down for dinner” his younger brother called from the other side of the door.

Sirius sighed and pushed himself up from where he had thrown himself on his bed, combed his hair back with his fingers and dutifully marched down the stairs. Almost everyone was already seated at the long dining room table, and he felt all eyes on him as he took his seat between his remaining cousins.

Narcissa smiled at him kindly, “You look upset” She said once the chatter had picked up again. 

“I’m fine Cissy,” He told her sharply, and almost regretted it when hurt flashed over her face. 

“I know it’s been difficult, being sorted into the wrong house and all. But I’m sure they’ll get over it” 

Most of the family already had, it was his mother that had not. And she wouldn’t, she would hold that grudge until he graduated, and making friends with James Potter, a blood traitor, hadn’t made matters any better. 

Sirius knew this, and he resented the sorting hat for putting him in Gryffindor, and himself for thinking he could be free of his family’s prejudices. The portraits glared at him when he walked past now, and the third step tripped him if he wasn’t paying attention. As if even the house itself was rejecting him. 

“Rudolphus” His aunt's shrill voice cut through his thoughts, “Why don’t you tell us a bit about that group you’ve joined” 

Rudolphus, Bellatrix’s now-husband was seated next to her. He was a tall thin man, with hair that was even darker than Sirius's. Bella grinned at him and he cleared his throat, “Bella has joined too, “ He announced, pulling back his sleeve to reveal a tattoo, a magical one of a snake that coiled in and out of a skull, "These are to prove loyalty, and it’s a group of those who wish to keep magical blood pure as can possibly be, we haven’t done much towards this goal at the moment, right now we are focused on gaining numbers and support.” 

He looked around, “And I would encourage all of you to join, Sirius and Regulus might be too young right now, but they should be introduced to the idea. The man leading us has found the cure to mortality.” 

He let that sit, grinning, “He says it isn’t perfected but it will be revealed to us soon” 

Sirius’s stomach lurched, he thought of Remus, a half-blood that had become his friend, and Lily Evans, who he didn’t really like all that much but James had definitely taken a liking to. He knew that this group would kill them if they had their way, that was the unspoken truth of it all. 

The goal sounded innocent enough, strengthening magical blood. But it involved slaughtering innocent people. He knew that Lilly Evans was already top of their class and thought that maybe blood had nothing to do with it. The question came before he had thought through the repercussions it might bring, “Mother, why are the mudbloods less than us?” 

Alarms went off in his head when she smiled a patient smile like she was explaining something to a baby. Too sweet, too strained. 

“It’s like how the house elves are less than us, those that spring from muggles simply don’t have the same amount of magic in their blood. Which makes them less intelligent. You remember the stories, we descended from gods, the ichor in our blood makes us faster, smarter, more logical. You know that the muggles fight and kill their own kind!? We can’t have that living alongside us” 

She had stood up at this point, “There’s a reason they’re called mudbloods my son, they descend from the mudmen, the god’s first, crude attempts at life. We are two different species and to think that someone could love or Merlin forbid marry one is one of the most repulsive things I can think of” 

The little rant seemed to have calmed her down, and dinner continued as normal. But the pit in his stomach never disappeared, and Regulus kept shooting him nervous glances. 

A small part of him hoped that she would forget after the long party, they still had the third course and dessert, then gifts. 

He sat through countless conversations, they had turned to more mundane things; how Bella and her husband's house was coming along, how the increase in the workload in preparation for OWLS had taken Narcissa off guard, if Regulus was excited for Hogwarts next year, what Gryffindor was like for Sirius. No one mentioned Andromeda’s absence, or how Sirius was definitely a dishonor. 

When gifts were passed out he got a new set of dress robes that he wasn’t going to use from his cousins, a ring with his family crest from his parents, “It’s old magic, not legal anymore, but it protects from dark magic” his father explained. Regulus got him a book; The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. 

 

But as soon as the last of their guests had stepped through the fireplace Walburga whirled on him, “How dare you embarrass me in front of our family!” She said, her eyes wild with the hair that had fallen out of its updo, “‘What makes them less than us?’ Have we taught you anything? No, it’s that damn school and your uncivilized friends, a mudblood, a blood traitor and a Pettigrew! I know for sure that we raised you right because your brother is nothing like you” 

“I know that the hat lets you have some say! I also know that you have Slytherin blood in those veins. You disgrace me, you disgrace this family.” Her hand came out of nowhere and he felt the blood drip down his cheek where her ring had caught before he felt the pain. 

He turned back to her, fear pooling cold in the pit in his stomach, “I’m sorry mother I wasn’t thinking” 

The next blow sent him staggering back a few steps, “That’s not the issue, the issue is that you think for even a second that they could even compare to us. My son isn’t going to turn out like your whore cousin” 

“I’m sorry mother,” He said again, “I won’t” She didn’t hit him again, just sighed, her shoulders slumping forward.

“Don’t lie to me Sirius” She looked tired.

“I’m not, I’ll do better” He just desperately didn't want her to be mad at him anymore. 

“Go to bed, it’s late” He did, solemnly trudging up the steps. The third one grabbed at his ankle, causing him to fall up the staircase. He felt the recently, unfamiliar prickle of tears as he shut his bedroom door and turned away Kreacher's attempts to bandage his face.


End file.
